Wendy Swanson is the mother of a transgender son, queer daughter and a cisgender/straight daughter. She also provides her thoughts from a patient perspective as a patient advocate for Cleveland Clinic so it can continuously strive to be an inclusive organization. Learn more about Wendy’s perspectives below from this excerpt of her recent essay:
My son has known since he was about four or five that he was a boy. I remember the first time he wanted us to call him Clayton. It’s funny how clear this day is to me. We were on Kelly’s Island playing putt-putt golf and he said, “Mom, I am Clayton this week on vacation, OK? I will NOT answer to anything but that name this week.” My husband and I looked at each other, shrugged our shoulders and said, “OK, Clayton, you’re up. Hit the ball!”
The interesting thing is our child was born with an extra X chromosome, and all the doctors said nothing but ultra-feminine traits would be presented by individuals born this way. Boy were they WRONG!! From the second this child could play and dress himself he has been ALL BOY!!
We are so blessed with the love and acceptance he received as he came out, but there are always naysayers. This made me second-guess myself greatly as a Christian mom. We moved for the duration of his high school career and rented a home near an all-affirming school to allow him to just be who he is. It has been a WONDERFUL period of growth for him.
One night during dinner, I asked Oliver when it was that he first knew he was a boy. “Oh, that’s easy, Mom,” he said. “It was when I was four or five and all I wanted to do was play with my Teenage Mutant Turtles.” I giggled a bit and asked curiously, “Did you ever feel like a girl?” He replied, “Well, I know you shopped at stores for me that you didn’t take Jess and Case to, and I would try to like the clothes, but it just never felt right wearing them.” The last thing I said to him, and mind you, he was silly and happy the whole time before this last question: “If we didn’t support you with this transition,” and before I could look up at him, I could hear him sobbing with huge tears rolling down his face. He said, “Mom, I would be dead.” I grabbed him so fast, held him in my arms and told him I allowed someone to make me feel like a bad Mom, and that I would never do that again. I’ve never second-guessed myself since then.